Jaded

 1 Peter 3:15 "But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have..."

You may have heard about the woman who murdered her (allegedly) abusive husband with a hammer while he slept. It is really a rather horrific story filled with a great depth of anger- fueled by drug abuse and utter hopelessness--a very dark place.  I had the dubious privilege of taking that call at our 911 center.  At the time it was a rather surreal experience rather than the horrific one you might imagine.  Afterward I was more bothered by my ability to have a woman confess such a horrible crime to me then to rapidly move on to a normal suspicious person call and then just a few moments after that to greet my 8 year old daughter with joy as if nothing was out of the normal experience.   It is so abnormal and yet it is my normal (and yours if you share this job).  To make a long story short & get to my point, the story ended up all over the local airwaves and even made the national show "Nancy Grace."    A few days after the call we were swimming at the community pool with our friends when one of them (for whom I have deep respect) gave me perhaps one of the most significant compliments I have ever received.  He said that one thing he had noticed about me is that of all the emergency services personnel he has known over the years I am the least jaded.  I did not know how to respond.  Perhaps it was the awkwardness of bobbing around in a giant swimming pool perhaps not.  I said thank you and mumbled something about being part of a compassionate community.  True, yes, but not the real reason.  In truth I was not  prepared to give an answer for the hope that I have.  That really is what keeps me from becoming jaded-- that hope.  So, while it is a day late and a dollar short here is the answer I should have given.

I believe that God loves us. I believe that he created us to love him.  I believe that he created every person with a knowledge of and a hunger for him. Some call it the God shaped void.  I believe that God has given his followers a purpose--to offer grace and mercy -just as he extended to them- to the world. I believe that God is the God of second chances.  I believe that while some people have hardened their hearts toward God and will never humble themselves before him to receive his gifts of grace, mercy and redemption, there are many others who hunger for these very things.  I believe that a kind word, a quickly uttered prayer, a smile, gentleness and respect all serve to bring hurting hearts closer to the truth.  I believe that God favors the broken and cast aside people--he longs to heal and restore them.  The people I talk to, the people I deal with are the most broken of all.  Whether they have lost a child or have watched their marriage fall apart.  Whether they are just old and lonely or tormented by mental illness.  Whether they are a teenager who cannot see beyond this day or a frightened child.  They are the poor, the lonely, the broken-hearted, the defeated  My heart breaks for them.

This morning I felt a deep sorrow and concern for this woman- this Donna Williams- who took her husband's life and now sits in a jail cell rejected by her own children and facing murder charges.  I thought about her life and what has led her to this dark place.  It was as I thought about her and began to pray for her, that I began to realize that God might have brought us together at the moment of that 911 call for a reason.  Because I would care about her.  I would pray for her.  I have been praying for her. I have been begging God to use this time to be at work in her life.  To bring her freedom from her addictions so that she can think clearly.  To bring people into her life who will show grace and mercy to her--people who will be his hands and feet and through whom he will be able to draw her to himself.  I am not sure there is much that would make my heart soar higher than meeting her for the first time at the feet of Jesus. Do I believe she should pay a price for her crimes?  Yes, I believe that our choices have consequences and we should submit to them with joy and peace, and yet, I pray that she will be given the gift of Christ dwelling inside her:   Freedom, forgiveness, redemption, peace, hope.

I still don't know how to say it concisely, but I'm working on it.  Perhaps it is as simple as these words:  "I believe in Redemption."

Incomplete thoughts for that is all that I ever seem to have.  I leave you with the lyrics to a song by Casting Crowns  "Jesus, Friend Of Sinners"

Jesus, friend of sinners, we have strayed so far away
We cut down people in your name but the sword was never ours to swing
Jesus, friend of sinners, the truth's become so hard to see
The world is on their way to You but they're tripping over me
Always looking around but never looking up I'm so double minded
A plank eyed saint with dirty hands and a heart divided

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours

Yeah...

Jesus, friend of sinners, the one who's writing in the sand
Made the righteous turn away and the stones fall from their hands
Help us to remember we are all the least of these
Let the memory of Your mercy bring Your people to their knees
Nobody knows what we're for only what we're against when we judge the wounded
What if we put down our signs crossed over the lines and loved like You did

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours

You love every lost cause; you reach for the outcast
For the leper and the lame; they're the reason that You came
Lord I was that lost cause and I was the outcast
But you died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at Your feet

'Cause You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks Yours

And I was the lost cause and I was the outcast
You died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at Your feet